I am occasionally asked by the managers in my classes, “How do I get my boss to do this stuff?” My answer is often the same, “Get interested in what they are interested in. Find out what they have their attention on, what they are concerned for, and what they are accountable for and then help them to win in those areas. In short, become their partner and then use what you learned to have them be successful.” Judging from the expressions I get back, I don’t think this is what the people asking were looking for.
Consider the case of Paul (you met him earlier in http://professorford.com/2010/02/01/is-demanding-%E2%80%9Cnow%E2%80%9D-undermining-leadership/). He has consistently had problems with his boss not setting deadlines and calling things “high priority”. From where Paul sits, this habit is frustrating, inefficient, and ineffective. So he wants his boss to stop doing it and start having more complete performance conversations in which deadlines are established and agreements for actions and results clearly established. Now, unlike many people who just complain about their bosses, Paul has actually talked to his boss about the issue, but without success.
In the face of his failure, Paul asked, “I need to come up with an angle/pitch that proves unequivocally that the form of “high priority” manipulation my boss uses is inefficient. I need to detail a “process” to help him make better requests more efficiently. Any thoughts, resources, and editorial skills are welcome.”
I told him, “If it were me, I would want to know what my boss is concerned about, what he is accountable for and how he wins at his game. Inefficiency may not be his thing in which case you are showing him something he may not care about. The thing that is likely to interest him is if you can show him that his actions are actually working to limit him getting what he wants or cares about.”
No matter how insane, inane, or just plain stupid the actions of a boss may seem to us, those exact same actions look reasonable, appropriate, and potentially effective from the boss’s point of view. Bosses and the people who work for them live in different worlds – what looks “wrong” in our world looks “right” in theirs. So, if you want to understand more about why bosses do what they do, you will want to learn more about what the world looks like to them rather than judge them from a world they do not inhabit – ours.
Paul raised an interesting issue: “Maybe that is the problem in of itself. Maybe my requests to understand his concerns are not good enough. It feels that when the topic comes up I am rebuffed more than answered. I will have to think some more on that. Maybe the simple answer is that my request is just not understood?”
What I like about Paul’s response is that he is beginning to consider that maybe he has something to do with how his boss is acting. Rather than put all the blame on his boss, or make what his boss is doing wrong, Paul is looking at one of the things he can personally control – his own communications.
I told Paul, “Perhaps he doesn’t understand why you would want to know what they [his concerns, etc.] are. There are at least two reasons someone might want to know my concerns – to support me or to thwart me. Since most people don’t seem to care about the concerns of others, it can be seen as strange and create suspicion and guardedness. The key would be to make it clear you are his partner in winning and that your only interest is to support him in winning at what he needs to win at. Any other reason is worthy of suspicion. If any of this were the case for him, then the approach would be a closure conversation to acknowledge the past attempts and your concern that your interest may have seemed out of place and apologize for that. Then let him know it was out of an interest in support and that you still have that and if he is willing to share with you, you promise your support, thereby creating a new agreement with him [or something like that].”
Bosses are interested in winning at the game they are accountable for to their bosses, and anything we do that does not support them in that is seen as a hindrance, a distraction, or unnecessary. Paul’s wanting deadlines is something he wants, not something his boss necessarily sees as valuable no matter how often Paul tries to explain it to him. However, if through the use of deadlines, Paul can have his boss win, his boss is more likely to see the value in deadlines. Paul now has a choice, complain about the way his boss works, or become a partner to his boss and use what he (Paul) knows to have his boss win. If what Paul has to offer has value, the proof will be in the results.
Paul wants his boss to use deadlines rather than calling everything “high priority”. One way of accomplishing that is to partner with his boss. Now he has to decide if he wants to do that, or if he just wants to BMW (bitch, moan, and whine) about his boss – could be a tough choice!
Along these same lines, my boss, who is also my father-in-law, does not seem to care about any of the things that normal bosses care about. He owns the business, and I know that he cares about paying-off the bank, but he doesn’t seem to care about sales or staff efficiency or setting expectations or establishing workflows or protecting the agency from errors / ommissions claims. He doesn’t seem to believe in our product – insurance – to the point that he goes out of his way to sell policies that don’t provide enough coverage. He is 10-years away from retirement, and I understand that he wants to slow down, but without a focus on sales, all of the employees are stuck with having to “slow down” too. Salaries have been stagnant over the past 4.5 years, not even keeping up with inflation, so that with rising prices on gas and food and electricity, etc., things are getting very tight. For those of us who still have a mortgage and young kids, we are sacrificing alot to make ends meet. My husband and I are both working in the business, and we want to put our time and energy into building it, but “Dad” won’t allow us to do anything that would mean more work. I want to stay in the business because I left a very lucrative 6-figure income to join the business almost 5 years ago, and I want to make my sacrifice worthwhile. I also enjoy the flexibility of the family business when I need to take care of our daughter. I just don’t know what to do to make this work. Do I need to get out now and just find a new job? What can I do to help my boss to care about his employees’ needs, in addition to his own?
Barbara
Family businesses have their own challenges because family members seem to feel free to treat each other differently than they would others. Have you asked your “Dad” if he has any interest in growing the business if it could be done with no additional demands on him? I wonder what he would say if he were to read what you wrote here – does he know that this is your feeling and that of other employees? Have you or your husband asked him what his concern is? To prepare for such a conversation, you might check out closure conversations in The Four Conversations as well as the book Crucial Confrontations which provides ideas on how to have closure conversations. Given your commitment, it seems worth investing in the conversation even if it may be uncomfortable or difficult. Regardless of the outcome, you will know more about what he “cares” about and what he is willing to do.